Open the door on this defective body! I want to get out!
Really, honest to goodness, I am beat
I don't know if I'm coming or going and I'm really not sleeping. My trusty bottle of emergency Phenergan (sleep-inna-bottle, 9mg knocks me out nicely
)is empty, and I'm absolutely buzzing for no good reason whatsoever. Exhausted, but unable to sleep, fun fun. I've started having panic attacks over absolutely nothing, which is not a good feeling. I shouldn't be freaking out while walking down the hall, that just isn't cricket. I've managed to gnaw at part of the inside of my cheek, which is quite ouchy and very inconventient. Aaaaand for no reason that I can think of my back is out again, buuuut I'm too whacked out on lack of sleep to drive the 20 mins to the physio, have it fixed and drive back, without risking wrapping myself around a tree
It doesn't hurt, but it isn't comfy, which I'm sure isn't helping matters.
Let me outta here!!
I really hate the whole new symptoms transition thing, it is always so completely random. Always a new thing that you'd either forgotten you had or that only affected you mildly (in comparison) before. Stupid body, pick a set of symptoms and go with it, don't keep changing your mind. *huff* I get so tired trying to keep up. Still, at least they are fairly tame this time around, I can think of worse things than insomnia and a sore mouth.
It is funny (in a puzzling way, not a haha way) because years ago I would sit and think to myself "If only I didn't have x symptom, I'd be able to function perfectly well". Sitting here, with very few of the same problems I once had (or at least, not noticing them as something abnormal, which is probably more accurate) I find myself doing exactly the same thing. "If I could just think clearly...". It is a bit frightening how my perspective has changed, and I'm not really certain that I like this one. It feels greedy.
I need some decent sleep
And I want my semi-clear head back
I think I'm thinking in circles again.
How is everyone else fairing?
Body malfunctioning
Abbey, sorry to hear you've had a rotten week. You really seem to have had way too many unpleasant sensations this week, I hope its better for you next week. This week I have achieved maximum exposure to corrective dentistry for my jaw joint problem (spasms/clicking/pain due to lying down for the best part of a year). So now I have an awesomely ugly mouth of metal and wires and risers that look like chewing gum is stuck on my teeth. The cheeks are gouged by wire and I drool and wince with pain and can eat only babyfood. Based on research, today I also sucked on a piece of dark cooking chocolate. Even if it doesn't work, it tastes a lot better than Heinz pureed lamb and veg. I definitely recommend the Heinz corn and pumpkin puree (can - its costs less) for a quick pure snack.
I'm with you on the needing
I'm with you on the needing decent sleep thing!!
When I get up in the morning (normal time, not the 6:30am uni starts, gone now!!), I'm so tired and drained that it takes me ages to get out of bed.....it's kind of scaring me in a way, because it's reminding me of how I used to feel, and I don't want to feel that way.....but I think this has been a long way coming, I've just been fighting it off harder than I am now.
I don't know what to suggest to try to get decent sleep (cause if I did, I'd be doing it!! *lol*) but I think Dan used to talk about Restavit, which is the medicine in Mersyndol that makes you sleepy & relaxed, but it's a higher dose than in Mersyndol, and you just get it over the counter at the chemist.
Oh, and for your back, have you tried one of those massaging cushions? My mum bought one from Go-lo, it has heat as well, and she said it really helps her back. And no, please don't drive and end up wrapped around a tree!! Its bad enough me walking around and almost ending up on the ground, or right smack bang into a tree or lightpole!!
Amy - Secretary, ME/CFS Society of NSW
SCENAR Treatment
Abbey, I just read your post and recently, I have been receiving a treatment which may be of use to you (and of course anyone else in the same situation). It is called SCENAR treatment and it is designed to aid the body in healing itself with absolutely no side effects. I have been having the treatment once or twice a week since early August and have experienced massive improvements in three areas of my CFS which I have had for six years.
The first area is the joint and muscle pain and this has significantly diminished. The pain, especially in my hips, used to flare up during unstable weather patterns but now it is hardly noticeable. The SCENAR treatment also works on the mind and this is where you would benefit the most at the moment. It works on the mind like a reset button on a computer where it resets the body from the crazy state it is in to one where it starts to repair itself.
After the first treatment, the second area of improvement was my mental functioning. My mind started to become much clearer and my concentration levels started to improve which helped when working on a 15,000 word honours thesis. After the third treatment, I found myself wanting to exercise as last year, I had a graded exercise program developed for me but I never implemented it because I was always thinking “I will do it later”. Since having the SCENAR treatment, I have implemented the exercise program and feel much better. Of course, when I started exercising, I was very sore and worn out but the treatment also helped alleviate that pain as well which made it easier to jump that initial hurdle.
The third area of improvement concerns my sleep which has improved dramatically as I am sleeping nine hours sleep on a regular basis and have halved the dosage of my sleeping medication. I rarely wake up in the middle of the night and even though I still feel worn out when I wake up, just knowing I actually had enough sleep helps stop the insomnia cycle.
The treatment is not a cure for CFS but to maintain this level of improvement, I am still receiving treatment as effective management has shown to help reduce the severity of symptoms and the treatment definitely helps to fulfil this role. If anyone is interested in finding out more about the treatment, just let me know and I will put you in touch with my SCENAR therapist.
Abbey
sorry you've been feeling very unwell. It is certainly hard to deal with and hugs to you.
Sarah that therapy sounds interesting and it's great that it's helped you. For me what helped was visiting a naturopath who does kinseology (so I knew he wouldn't have an interest in purely prescribing vitamins, supplements and herbal mixes for a profit as he doesn't sell these) and took my medical stuff plus articles on the condition and theories and he was able to suggest things that have helped but are at a minimum too. It was also a learning experience for him as well and it was nice to sit down with someone and go through everything without being viewed as having "anxiety".
Anyhow hoping things will pick up soon Abbey.
Hugs DJ